noooo little german boy dont go into the drag show
oh mein gott this stage is full of kuntenserven
just some thoughts i have been thinking about.
katniss in mj tries to cut peeta off, thinking the old peeta is irretrievable (mj, 164, 170). katniss on the surface of what she is telling us makes it appear as if she doesn't have any hope that peeta is coming back. but, in a very katniss way, she shows us more than what she tell us. despite writing off peeta, convinced that her love is never coming back, katniss still is trapped waiting for him to get better. when haymitch alludes to peeta recovery in thirteen after him remembering katniss's father singing the hanging tree, katniss describes herself as not having any choice but to listen (mj, 181). katniss emphasizes this feeling again when peeta asks to speak to her after finnick and annie's wedding. despite writing peeta off in district two, despite her being convinced that her love is dead, never to return back to her, she says that there is no way to refuse him (mj, 196). she could just refuse. she could say, "no haymitch, i am no longer going to associate with the boy who has been programmed to kill me." she could say, "no haymitch. i can't just keep going back to see a complete stranger who has taken the place of my lover."
but here's the thing, she can't. she doesn't have a choice.
and where have we seen this before? where has katniss felt like she doesn't have any choice but to desperately watch as the doctors try anything to save him. to take what was left of the boy she loved and try to make him whole again.
after the first games, as katniss watches the capital doctors work on peeta, not daring to look away despite how much she wants to (thg, 348). in the quarter quell, as katniss watches finnick give katniss cpr, she abandons her weapons as she "leans in to watch, desperately, for some sign of success" (cf, 79). katniss is no stranger to this feeling when it comes to peeta. no, it was never an option for her to refuse hijacked! peeta in district thirteen. no matter how much she wanted to run away, leave him behind, and say that he was never coming back to her, she never could leave him. she would always be waiting, trapped by the same force that keeps all loved one's in the hospital room. she would be desperately clinging to the hope that maybe, just maybe, her boy with the bread would come back to her. that maybe he can be saved.
three marriages failed with women and you never thought to try a boy? maybe someone you’re already friends with? your boy best friend maybe?
there's an episode of malcolm in the middle where he just shuts up and stops complaining for awhile and it immediately starts to significantly improve his life but also it causes him an ulcer and by the end of the episode he is literally spitting up blood and i have always deeply and unshakably believed that is exactly how the situation would play out for me too
